
Boardman's BEST Kept Secret: Unbeatable Value at This Amazing Inn!
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the supposed "best kept secret" – Boardman's Inn. And let me tell you, after my stay? Well, let’s just say the secret's out… or maybe it's still a secret… a messy, delightful, and sometimes frustrating secret, that’s for sure.
Accessibility & The Initial Hurdle (and Triumph!)
Okay, first things first, the official stuff: Yes, they say Boardman's is accessible. And honestly? They mostly deliver. I'm talking wheelchair accessibility, elevators (thank GOD!), and… well, I’ll get to the imperfections later. The ramp situation was decent, so props there. The front desk wasn't an issue…except for the time I almost tripped over a rogue decorative plant. Seriously, I’m talking full-on faceplant material. Security caught it though! So, maybe a small win!
Cleanliness & Safety – The Anxiety Reliever!
Right, so, let’s get real. I went in with a healthy dose of COVID-era paranoia. But I have to say, Boardman’s killed it on this front. Like, seriously, they weren't messing around. Anti-viral cleaning products? Check. Daily disinfection? Check. Individually wrapped everything? CHECK! They even had the option to decline room cleaning. I felt safe, which is a huge freaking win in these times! Seeing all the extra steps made me feel at ease…until I realized the room's air purifier had a very distinct fishy odor. I opened the window which…was another great perk of this stay.
Rooms, Rooms, Glorious Rooms (and Minor Quirks!)
My room? Oh man. I went for the "standard" because, you know, budgeting on a budget. And…it was actually pretty decent. The bed! Omg, the bed was an absolute cloud. Extra long, as they put it. I sunk in and almost didn't get up for the next two days! The blackout curtains were pure genius – I could actually sleep in! (Which is saying something because I'm normally a light sleeper.) The bathroom? Clean, functional, and the toiletries were surprisingly nice…but the lighting was so dim I almost shaved my eyebrows off! Thank goodness for the magnifying mirror!
The Wi-Fi Whisperers: Internet Access at Boardman's
Free Wi-Fi in all rooms? Score! And it actually worked, mostly! I could stream, work, and stalk my ex on Insta without much buffering (though I will say, LAN connection would have been chef's kiss!). The wifi in the common areas? Hit and miss.
The Food Frenzy (and My Personal Catastrophe)
Alright, let's talk chow. Boardman's boasts a few restaurants. The Asian breakfast (they called it "Asian-inspired")? Okay, it was…there. A buffet, so I can't complain, but I wasn't blown away. I did venture to the Western cuisine restaurant for dinner one night, and that's where things took a turn. I ordered the soup and salad combo. The soup… shudder… I’m not saying it was bad. I'm saying it tasted suspiciously like dishwater. And the salad was…underdressed…to the point where I wondered if they forgot the dressing. I didn't complain (I'm too British) but… yeah. It wasn't my finest culinary moment.
BUT! The poolside bar? Different story! Happy hour, the sun setting, a margarita in my hand… Now we're talking!
Spa Dreams & Relaxation Revelations
This is where Boardman’s really shines. They’ve got a fitness center (I’m not a gym rat, but it looked decent), a sauna, a pool with a view – total bliss. But the spa. OMG, the spa! The massage? Pure, unadulterated heaven. I’m talking tension melting away, muscles sighing with relief… I almost fell asleep right there on the massage table. I even tried the body scrub, and it was… surprisingly good. I walked out of there feeling like a new person. And seriously, the steamroom was just what my aching soul needed after my soup and salad incident!
Things to Do (Besides Eating Questionable Soup)
Beyond the spa, Boardman's has a decent offering. They can help organize tours, there is a bicycle parking (which, admittedly, I didn't try), and it's close to a few local attractions. However, if you are expecting wild nightlife, you may be a bit disappointed. This is that kind of place where the evening entertainment is less rave, more read your book under the stars.
The Services & Conveniences: A Mixed Bag
Okay, let’s break it down: the staff was generally friendly… though service was spotty at times. The concierge was helpful, I did have a problem with a misprinted invoice, and the dry cleaning service was a lifesaver. Plus, they had a gift shop! (Which I totally raided for souvenirs.) But the elevator moved at a snail’s pace, and if you need more than one trip to move luggage, you were toast.
For the Kids (and the Big Kids at Heart):
Babysitting service? Check. Kids’ meal options? Check. Family-friendly atmosphere? Absolutely. They've clearly thought about this, or at least, that’s the impression I got!
Getting Around: Easy as Pie (or Soup…)
Free parking? Yes! Car park on site? Yes! Airport transfer? Yes! Taxi service? Yes! So, no worries there.
The Bottom Line (And My Honest Opinion)
Boardman's Inn? It's not perfect. There are quirks, imperfections, and that soup… dear god, the soup. But overall? It's a solid choice. It's clean, safe, the staff mostly try, the spa is incredible, and for the price? You absolutely get your money's worth.
SEO-FRIENDLY REVIEW SNIPPETS
- "Wheelchair accessible rooms available? Yes!"
- "Free Wi-Fi in All Rooms! Plus, a fantastic spa."
- "Looking for a spa hotel with a pool? Boardman's delivers."
- "Cleanliness and safety are a priority at Boardman's Inn, with anti-viral cleaning products."
- "The best kept secret? Unbeatable value at Boardman's Inn!"
- "Enjoy the Asian breakfast or the poolside bar at Boardman's."
- "Boardman's Inn offers a range of services, from dry cleaning to concierge."
- "Family-friendly and conveniently located, perfect for your next getaway"
- "A spa, a pool, a cozy room. Boardman's is your relaxation destination!"
My Unvarnished, Emotional Recommendation (and a Special Offer!)
Look, I’m not going to lie. I had my moments. The soup almost broke me. But the cloud bed and the spa massage (seriously, that massage!) made up for everything. I'm giving Boardman's a solid 8/10.
My VERY SPECIAL OFFER FOR YOU:
"Escape to Boardman's! Book your stay NOW and get a FREE upgrade to a room with a balcony (subject to availability)! Plus, use code SECRETESCAPE for a complimentary spa treatment (a massage!), guaranteed at checkout (offer valid for bookings made within the next month). Don't miss this chance to discover Boardman's BEST Kept Secret! Book now at [Insert affiliate Link Here]!"
(And, hey, if you see the soup, send it to the kitchen, not your mouth. You'll thank me later.)
Escape to Paradise: Hampton Inn Kemah Bayfront Getaway!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups! This isn't your grandma's meticulously planned itinerary. This is a… let's call it a suggestion for a trip around Boardman, Oregon, based around the venerable (and hopefully not too-venerable) Americas Best Value Inn Boardman. I’m warning you, I can get real… and a little hangry.
The (Un)Official Boardman Blitz: A Highly Subjective Adventure
Day 1: Arrival and the Thrill of… Well, Whatever's There
- 1:00 PM (ish): Land in… somewhere. Okay, so you're probably driving. Let's assume Portland. The drive? Long. The scenery? Probably… fields. Fields and more fields. Try not to zone out and end up in Idaho. My last road trip almost ended that way. Let’s just say, I have a complex relationship with my GPS. "Recalculating… are you sure you want to go to a potato farm, lady?"
- 4:00 PM (Give or Take): Arrive at the ahem esteemed Americas Best Value Inn Boardman. Okay, let’s be honest, it's probably seen better days. But hey! It's clean, right? (Cue internal monologue: Please be clean. Please be clean. I did not come prepared for questionable sheets.) Grab a key, try not to make eye contact with anyone, and lug those bags up the stairs. Hopefully, the elevator is functional. I had a run-in with a dodgy elevator once. Trapped for a half-hour, reliving all my bad decisions…
- 4:30 PM: Unpack. Assess the room. Is the AC working? Is there a mini-fridge? My relationship with room amenities is very particular. I can forgive a lot if the fridge is cold and the coffee machine isn’t older than I am.
- 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Dinner: The real question. Boardman options look… limited. Here's where we get creative. Option A: The Burger Joint. This is likely your best bet—a classic greasy-spoon experience. My advice? Order the fries. Always order the fries. Option B: The "Restaurant" in a Gas Station. No judgment, friend. Sometimes, those are the best meals. Just… maybe check your travel insurance first.
- 6:00 PM - 8:00 PM: Unwind/Panic. Maybe a walk around town? (Boardman. Shudders.) Or maybe just sink into the questionable embrace of the hotel bed and watch whatever's on TV. My go-to move. I like to pretend I’m not eating chips in bed, but my bedsheets tell a different story.
Day 2: Field Trips and the Allure of… Convenience Stores?
- 8:00 AM (or whenever you wake up, who am I to judge): Breakfast! Hopefully, the ABVI has something. Possibly a sad waffle and some pre-packaged danishes. My personal rule: Eat whatever you can find, even if it's questionable. Traveling is a battle, and energy is fuel.
- 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM: The Columbia River: The Untamed Wild (of… a Dam?) Okay, let's be honest, a trip to Boardman isn't about adrenaline. It's about embracing the vastness of the Oregon desert. Driving along the Columbia River is still a decent option; maybe stop at a viewpoint. Potential issue: The wind. My hair is already on my mind, but you probably don’t care. Regardless, be prepared to feel like you’re about to get blown away. Seriously, hold onto your hat (and maybe your dignity).
- 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM: Lunch: Back in Boardman? Again. The gas station restaurant is calling, isn't it? Fine. Embrace the cheap food and the questionable coffee. It's part of the adventure.
- 1:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Delving into the Desolate: Here's where things get… interesting. This is where you choose your own adventure. Option A: The local museum. (There may not be a local museum). Every town has a history, right? See what you can find. Option B: The most prominent business. Maybe it’s a potato farm. Maybe it's… something else. A long drive perhaps? Get lost! Find the things that are not on the brochure.
- 4:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Convenience Store Extravaganza! One of my favourite pastimes. Finding the best (or worst) gas station food, local snacks, strange drinks… it’s a game. You find the weirdest stuff. Grab some souvenirs (a Boardman-branded pen? A keychain shaped like a potato?), and revel in the small joys of the highway.
- 6:00 PM - 8:00 PM: Dinner: Repeat the performance from Day 1, or, you know, find something new. The restaurant hunt continues! (Or just eat the chips and whatever's left over from the gas station).
- 8:00 PM - Bedtime: Reflect on the day. Did you find anything interesting? Did you survive the wind? Did the sheets not bite you? Write it all down. This is where the real travel memories get built.
Day 3: Departure and the Post-Boardman Blues?
- 8:00 AM: Repeat the Breakfast Ritual. Say goodbye to the questionable coffee and the slightly-too-firm pillows.
- 9:00 AM: Checkout. Make peace with the staff. Leave the room as you found it (ish).
- 9:30 AM - Drive Somewhere Maybe Portland. Maybe home. Maybe somewhere in between. Whatever path you choose, remember this: Embrace the chaos, eat the fries, and don't forget to laugh.
Some Additional Ramblings and Warnings:
- The Weather: Boardman is, well, in the desert. It can get hot. Bring water. Bring sunscreen. And bring a portable air conditioner.
- Limited Entertainment: There’s a reason why I’m suggesting “getting lost” in a potato field. Entertainment options are… scarce. Be prepared to entertain yourself. Bring a book. Download some podcasts. Learn to knit (just kidding… unless?).
- Embrace the Imperfections: This isn't a luxury resort. It's a reality check. And you know what? Sometimes, those are the best trips. It's about the moments. It's about the story you tell when you get home.
- My Honest Feelings: I actually do enjoy these kinds of trips. They're real. They're raw. And sometimes, they're hilariously awful. And you know what? I always come back with a story or two. Consider what you’re in for, and go with the flow.
So, there you have it. My highly unreliable, completely biased guide to… something in Boardman. Enjoy the adventure (and try not to judge the questionable carpet!). And remember to send me a postcard! (If anyone even sells postcards in Boardman).
Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Watertown Getaway Awaits!
Boardman's BEST Kept Secret: Unbeatable Value at This Amazing Inn! ...Or Is It? A Messy FAQ
Okay, okay, so what's the DEAL with this "BEST Kept Secret" anyway? Sounds fishy.
Is "Amazing Inn" code for "Creepy Motel? Because I've seen things, man..."
The "Unbeatable Value" part. WHAT does that *really* mean?
Speaking of breakfast, are we talking continental or full English? Because I need sustenance.
What's the catch? There *has* to be a catch...
You mentioned a Tinder date. What’s the deal? Did you meet someone? Was it at the Inn? spilling?
The Pub! Tell me more about the Pub! You've sold me on it!
So, would you recommend it? And be honest!


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